The one month report

So, I’ve not been dieting for a month, and I’ve lost 2 pounds. I admit I had a tough day yesterday, after stepping on the scale, and it took me until last night to toss my bad feelings. Why hadn't I lost more weight? Why was I trying this crazy thing? Why was my body against me? Blah blah fishcakes... Ironically, yesterday was my “worst” day of eating so far. I ate toast like it was going out of style, 2 doughnuts, and did a lot of eating that wasn’t based on physical hunger. After a dinner of sugary cereal (that’s been sitting in my cabinet for a month, untouched) and 4 pieces of cinnamon raisin toast, it finally occurred to me that the reason I was eating so mindlessly was because I was plotting to “cut back” (ie: diet) starting today, and my body was subconsciously preparing for the disappearance of carbs. The minute I realized that I settled down and had a long talk with myself about what was going on. This involved honoring what my secret desire was, and then discussing my options. Of course I want to lose weight, but even more than that I want not to be stuck in the diet/binge rut that I’ve settled in. And if it takes more than a month to figure it out, well then so be it. Lord knows it took more than a month to get me here. I’m not going anywhere, and truthfully speaking I’m in no rush. No, really, I’m not. ::tries to convince self::: I’m NOT! Anyway, I felt better after realizing what was going on. I have been doing well on honoring my hunger, but less well on honoring my fullness, and I've a lot past the point of satisfaction. So that's my goal for today - to eat when hungry and stop when satisfied. I feel more centered and certain after yeterday's mild anxiety fest.

In other news, it turns out all the harping about needing carbs for running is true. Instead of taking things out of my diet, I’ve tried putting them in, which means I’m getting a lot more fruits and vegetables these days. I’m not convinced I get 5 a day, but I’m usually close, and between that and a bit of toast here and there I’m finding it makes a big difference in my running. I did 6 miles last night, and it wasn’t until the last quarter mile that I could feel my energy start to wane, and even then it didn’t hit me with the force it used to. I ran a new route, one with quite a few hills, and my shins felt it. I had a bizarre, localized pain right under my left knee during the last mile or so, but I iced it when I got home and today it feels normal. Let’s hope that doesn’t make a reappearance on tomorrow’s 4 miler.

Boy I’m boring today. Yeesh.