Getting It

You know, the only problem with this whole 'losing weight and feeling better' thing is that it's really screwed around with my ability to be self-righteous and bitter about certain things. Exercise for example. I can't tell you how irritating it was for me to discover that it actually is required for weight loss, to say nothing of the muttering and grumbling I did when it ended up giving me more energy. I never believed that before. Of course, that had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I'd only peel myself up from a nap long enough to walk a few miles once every month or so, I'm sure.

Which brings me to the idea of 'Getting It.' You know, I'm wary about using that term, with all of the capital letters it implies, mainly because it makes me feel like I'm auditioning to be on Dr. Phil. Which I'm not, even though I find him kind of bizarrely sexy. But anyway - I was thinking about "Getting It" this morning, when I was feeling ever-so-slightly down with myself for drinking one of those froufy, girly, kahlua drinks last night and "ruining" my day's good eating. I thought, for me, weight loss and good health is going to come down to learning how to eat less refined foods and learning to control portions. And then I thought no freaking kidding, idiot, you've known that for years. But I didn't, really. Know it, I mean. Yeah, the words were all in English and I'm a pretty literate person so I understood what those same words meant and I knew the concept, but at the same time the ability to do either of those things was about as likely to spring from me as pink lemonade. I am the person who never wanted to eat out with my sister because she liked to split portions and I thought that was sacriledge. I used to routinely polish off a large pizza in one sitting. When I was being "bad" with food, I took advantage of the binge so as to get in the maximum amount of food and the maximum tastes in a certain period. So the fact that last night I split a burrito with my sister, and then had one Kahlua drink, is still a little tender and amazing to me. Like I've started to grow a flower in the palm of my hand. Normally - well, really the old normal is not the new normal - so Previously, in my life I would have used that drink as a springboard to having anything I wanted, and I just don't feel that way any more. I know it's ridiculous to assume you will never again eat cake, or burritos, or eat a pizza, and as much as it pains me to say it, I think this means I get it.

I just hope someone didn't have to Lose It for me to Get It!