Bitterness and Fatigue

Oy, the mono is going to be the death of me. It's 10 a.m. and I've been awake now for nearly two whole hours, and the hard floor of my office is starting to look like a nice place to curl up for a nap.

I must say I'm feeling bitter and resentful about my health these days. After months of working my way up to a half marathon, to have to miss it because of a ridiculous high-school-like virus makes me extremely angry. And I don't mean to sound silly, but I don't have the energy to be angry. I don't have the energy to walk from the car to the house. I live in a permanent fog of exhaustion punctuated only by hours of work and the occasional desire to vacuum my house to keep the cats from taking over. My days are comprised only of a series of naps, and yet even when I've just woken up I'm like a child who has stayed out too late and played too hard, and I get overtired and emotional and will burst into weary tears at the slightest provocation. Poor Lia is at a loss at how to help. She talks to me very sweetly, and brings me endless cups of green tea, and does my laundry and other domestic chores while I slump in bed like a velveteen rabbit.

I'm also afraid that two weeks completely running-free will knock my stamina back down to nothing. I've worked so damn hard to be a runner, and it's pathetic how little rest it takes to lose cardiovascular strength. The last time I ran I could hardly do 2 miles. Granted, that was the day before I was diagnosed, but still. I can't help worrying about it.

Part of me wants to try to run/walk the half in 10 days. I guess I should go out sometime soon and see if I can even wobble around the block, eh?