The end of the pity party

May Day, and like it or not, my body is going for an easy run this evening. I'm three weeks from my mono diagnosis, and probably another one to two weeks past the actual point of contamination, and the fog is starting to lift a bit. I only took one nap per day this weekend, and even with that was able to stay up until around 11 without feeling like death was imminent. I sank into a cloud of depression there for a few weeks, based on a lot of things, but certainly not helped by my inability to run. Lia (damn her analysist brain!) theorized that running has taken the place of job satisfaction for me as a measure of challenge and goals. It's even taken the place of weight loss - something that has both its good side and bad. And if my crabby-pantsness of the past few weeks is any indication, she's certainly on to something. I was supposed to drive to my parents house this weekend and help them clean out for their move, but believe it or not, running stopped me. I have just started to feel better physically, and I knew that if I spent the weekend confronting my feelings about my parents selling my childhood home and moving I would just wear myself out and wouldn't be able to run this week. Mom was fine with this - I think there's as much a part of her who is loathe to sell as I am to see it, and we all just keep putting things off as if someday they'll call and say "well, we've changed our minds, and despite the fact that this old place is too enormous for just your Dad and I we've decided to stay on here and continue to tend the sacred bedrooms and the closets full of your trophies and stuffed animals." Bah.

Being sick hasn’t exactly helped my eating, I must say. I admire anyone who can be ill and take it as an opportunity to really nourish themselves with good wholesome food. I take any and all illnesses as an opportunity to read until my head hurts with my hand in a bag of chips. Actually that’s not quite true – I aim more for comfort food than anything, but unfortunately my comfort food is always of the ‘not healthy’ variety. So I’ve gained back a few pounds and I feel bloated and blah, which isn’t helping my mood. But still the hazy feeling is gone, and even if I have to take a nap after work, I WILL get out there and run tonight.

And a 40 pound loss last year is great, but buddy, I am going to lose 40 more by the end of this year. There, I did it. I said it and now it’s so. *g*