Mini binges

(This was written on Sunday)

Here's a tip for you: don't buy those Edy's "Dips" of chocolate coated ice-cream thinking "I can eat one a day as a treat!" unless you have monk-like self control. Not that I know about eating SIXTY of those little 'bites' in one day, or anything. :groan:

So yesterdays food was: a container of ice cream, a banana dipped in wheat germ, yogurt with pecans, and about a quart of unsweetened iced tea. That's not exactly going to get me on the "do" list in Heath magazine any time soon, eh? I felt pretty awful after I ate the ice cream, though due to workplace drama I wasn't feeling terrific before either, but the day brightened when, in a fit of desire to do ANYthing other than the college catalog, I decided to clean out my closets. I have one clothes closet in the spare room that was full of clothes that are too small, and a closet in my room full of things I can wear. Well, I went through the closet of small clothes and could get into about 1/3 of them! Lovely, well-made things like my Ann Taylor blouses and beautiful cardigans, and black velvet skirt. It was a true shot in the arm for my self-confidence and my feeling that life might just be okay this week after all. I dragged all of those clothes into my bedroom and hung them up and then transferred the other clothes back out. Now everything that's in my closet fits, and though about half of those clothes are for autumn/winter, it helps my feelings a lot. I felt so chuffed after that adventure that I went out and wogged 3 miles in hopes that soon I will be able to fit into my favorite black suit.

It was Run 2 of Week 6 of the C25K, and my hip hurt quite a bit when I started out. I was afraid for a moment that I was going to have another miserable run despite the lower humidity, but after about a mile I found my stride and I felt my limbs getting loose and warm. Two miles in I felt fabulous, and I stopped every once in a while to stretch out my hip. At one point I saw my shadow leaning out ahead of me and I realized that though I consider myself to be very slow I actually looked like a legitimate runner. I mean, if I saw someone going my pace I wouldn't actively make fun of them, even. (Not that I ever do, but I assume people do make fun of me. Oh glorious double standard!)

My good mood lasted until this morning, when I realized I would need to work all day and even then would not likely make my deadline. I've never procrastinated in this way before, and I can't help thinking that I'm either trying to a.) sabotage myself, or b.) am just so fed up with this job that I'm being passive agressive about it. In any case it doesn't matter because I am the only person who knows I'm dissatisfied, and what's more, I'm only hurting myself. After all, I will get this finished, and it's my own weekend I've ruined.

Maybe I need to go run again today and try to recapture my sense of joy.