Size 14, why have you forsaken me?

So this week was supposed to start Week 7 of the C25K, but I started Week 6.2 instead. The workplace drama and late nights/early mornings combined this week to leave me feeling pouty and unappreciated, on top of having simply had far too little sleep. This is not a good combination for me, by the way. I am not one of those sophisticated workaholics who gets progressively more waiflike and helplessly appealing as she works her fingers to the bone; I get cranky and overwrought and feel like I could cry at any given moment and it’s just not at all pretty. After running last night I came home and found a Japanese beetle sitting on my shoulder and it about sent me around the twist. Seriously. I flicked the beetle off outside in that “eewww!” shuddery way and then spent the next quarter of an hour calming myself down with a nice hot bath and a cup of tea.

The only high point yesterday besides the run was that I wore one of my ‘new found’ old outfits to work. At one point I caught sight of myself in the bathroom and it occurred to me that I am not hugely fat anymore. I’m not thin, by any stretch, but I no longer have that round piggy look I used to have, and if I saw someone who looked like me I’d think “pretty, but overweight.” This is quite a change. I used to catch sight of myself in the mirror and be shocked by how big I looked. I never felt at all the way I thought one would feel at almost 240 pounds, so I had a profoundly misplaced sense of myself and often wouldn’t recognize my own reflection, so actually recognizing myself these days is a coup - to say nothing of not disapproving my looks! (Incidentally, I am not being facetious about the piggy look. I gain weight from the top down, which means my face gets round(er) and I gain most of my weight in my stomach. I have never really had hips or a butt to speak of. I’m an apple’s apple. *g*)

I wish I had more insightful things to report on this good Thursday, but my brain is fixed solely on getting down below 200 pounds. I was at 204 this morning, and so excited that I changed my official stats even though tomorrow is my actual weigh-in day. You’d better believe that if I’m down a half pound in the morning I’ll reupdate. As a mathaphobic, I can assure you that this is the only time I’ve ever been so focused on numbers. Tomorrow I will measure myself as well, to see how things are going. I am down into a size 16 again in all of my clothes, and I know from past experience that the more weight you lose the quicker you go into other sizes. A few years ago, when I was around 179, I could lose 6 pounds and go down a size and gain 5 and go up a size - it was pure madness. Then when I was 239 I lost 20 pounds before I even took off my size 20s. How much of this had to do with wearing things that were consistently too tight (out of dread of going up a size) and how much as to do with sizing I don't know. But all of this roundabout discussion is just to say that I'd dearly love to be able to buy a cute outfit from Anthropologie or something for my cousin's wedding next month. I have a feeling a size 14 is much further down than I can be in 5 weeks, but I'm not giving up quite yet.

In the meantime, if you know of a place online that sells terrifically cute clothes (like Anthropologie) in size 16 let me know. Just in case!